FMD! The new acronym

   Okay, well i would like to start my very first blog with the notorious acronym 'FML'. For those of you who don't already know, it stands for 'F*** my life', and it often a term used my moany people on a daily basis on social networking sites, when their television programme is not on, or if they run out of mascara. It is a phrase which has created a lot of controversy in the facebook world. 'It can't be that bad' some say. Others refer to victims or wars, poverty and George Osbourne's preposterous regressive budget (more Tory ranting in future blogs). Others however claim using such a phrase gives one a sense of relief. It's an exaggeration, not meant to be taken literally. (And when i say literally, i don't mean too literally, as that would not be possible due to the intangible nature of the word life).
   So why then, you ask, have i used the acronym myself? Is it because i am melodramatic? A moany teenager? Had a really bad day? My answer is all of above. Particularly the latter. You know that one day you have where everything physically wrong all happens on one particular day? That feeling you get in the morning when your socks get wet and you just think 'nothing can possibly go right during this day'? That was my day today. The only way to relieve my pain, was to rant about it
    It began well, at 6.30 am. I clicked the snooze button on my alarm, or at least what i thought was the snooze button, and shut my eyes for one minute. I then looked at my phone and noticed that it was not 6.31 as i believed, but 7.15! I dived out of bed, running around to attempt to put on my makeup and clothes. I usually left my house at twenty past seven! Luckily my dad drove me to the train station, however in my rush i forgot a few items, including my apple which i had specially cut up and placed into the fridge, which i later discovered. This included my phone. My line of communication, left behind like lost luggage. I headed for university, in the freezing cold . . . .
    See if this was a fairy story? I would find a tenner on the ground and everything would be merry. Life ain't no fairytale though. More bad things were yet to darken my doorstep during this awful day. It must be karma from the time i killed that mayfly accidentally on a biology trip. When i got to university, i attended my nine o'clock psychology lecture, and had great difficulty staying awake, despite an extra forty five minutes sleep. I needed a coffee like a fish needs water. I then studied until lunch.
   I spent lunch with a few friends in the library tables. I thought of what i believed to be an ingenious idea the night before for this lunch of mine. It was to take a flask of boiling water with me, along with an almighty pot noodle. It would be great, and the other students would gaze longingly at it, wishing they had thought of it first! If only i had brought a fork with me. Fortunately, i was able to buy one (yes ten blooming pence was charged for a silly little plastic fork!). I poured the hot water into my pot noodle and waited. And waited. And waited. Only then did i make the sudden realisation. It hit me like a bullet. The noodles weren't softening. They were still hard. And cold. The hot water was not sufficient. I ate a banana, and wished i had used my flask for the purposes of tea. I needed a cuppa really bad.
   Afterwards, i figured everything bad had happened. Nothing else could possibly go wrong. It simple would go against the nature of odds. The odds of sleeping in? Perhaps one in a hundred. The odds of taking a pot noodle and flask of hot water in? Well let me know when you find someone else daft enough to have done the same. But no. After visiting the bathroom, i turned on the tap to wash my hands. WHOOSH! The water squirted out like a fireman's hose! (No euphemisms intended). It squirted onto my jeggings leaving me wet. I looked down onto my hand, only to find the tap had broken off! Mortified, i quickly shoved it back on, and managed to control the beast. A girl in the toilets looked over at me, almost sympathetically, and then left.
    I shall hurry the next parts of my story, as not to bore you. I went and sat a business exam, which finished late and i missed both express trains and got the ten to six one. I also had to walk in the rain to my dads house to pick up my phone. I got back and simultaneously went on facebook, crammed sweets down my mouth, and completed my report until around half twelve. What a day!
    So, to conclude, i will have to rethink my usage of the acronym 'FML'. I feel that although i am indeed a drama queen, it is a little extreme. I mean, it's only a few days which are that bad, not my entire life. I still have tea and shark jokes after all. So i think it is only fair to create a new acronym. I hope i can lead by example, so that others may continue to use this acronym as an alternative to the more harsh and melodramatic 'FML'. It is indeed the title  - 'FMD', meaning 'F*** my day'. It is for times where you miss your train, your dog pees on your bed, and for when your friend lets your yellow car roll down into a river claiming it was inevitable